Autism Awareness Month

        Ive been trying to write this blog for awhile. I wanted to really share how autism as effect our life. As many of you know my Matthew was diagnosed with Autism back in 2011. Its been a long hard road. Many highs and lows. Countless doctors and therapist. Fights with schools, doctors and therapist. I have found that the best way to share how it has effected us is just to tell you our story. Now I dont tell this story to have anyone feel bad or to be called "super women". I simply want to open eyes of those people that truly dont understand what its like to be a caregiver to these special people. As hard as some days are I am truly blessed to be given the opportunity to raise Matthew.

He has taught Daniel and I so much. 

       Just a little back ground Daniel and I were married in 2006 and just a few months later started our family.  Alorra joined us first in 2008. Shorty after she was born Daniel was laid off from his job at the dealership in California. We then moved to Indiana and moved in with my parents. Daniel went to work working for my uncle at a shop. Soon after getting there he got a just at a car dealership closer to home.  When Alorra was only 6 months old we found out we were pregnant with baby number 2 (Matthew) and realized fast that the pay at the dealership wasnt going to work with 2 little ones. We explored all our options and there was only one that we kept circling back to. The Military, as much as I fought this I knew in my heart that this was the right way to go. So April 2009 Daniel left for basic/AIT. Missed the birth of Matthew by 10 days. Im going to fast forward a little. We moved to Kansas and then September 2010 we found out were were having baby number 3. Shortly after finding out Daniel got orders to deploy in 2011. 

       Shortly after Daniel left I started to see a difference in Matthew. He seemed to loss everything he had learned. He stopped talking and seemed to be less interested in being part of our world and seemed to stay in his. At first I blamed it on Daniel leaving and believed he would gain it all back. Then at his 18 month the doctor started to get concerned. He put in a referral for Infant Toddler service. We ended up having someone coming in every other week to work with him. Shortly after Gabriel was born and after Matthews 2nd birthday, this sweet lady said that he would  get him evaluated. So all summer we work on paperwork and got referrals from his doctor. August/September 2011 We had a teleconference with a few doctors from Kansas City. After they had reviewed all the paperwork, asked questions and observed Matthew they were comfortable with diagnosing him. My heart broke into millions of pieces.

       I was alone in the car with my 2 boys, Alorra was at school. At the moment I felt so alone sitting in that parking lot I think I cried for a good 20 minutes before heading home. Not going to lie it felt like everything was closing in. All I kept hearing is "Your son is autistic." I dont think I herd anything after those words. I was so lost. I felt like I had failed my son in some way. Knowing there was nothing I could have done it was genetic. It was on both side of the family in some form or another. I think I has always known that Matthew would be our special needs one but it was harder than I thought to actually hear it. 

      Matthew's world was not over! My hopes and dreams for him were not crushed! I knew that he would be able to do anything he wanted. We were just have to teach him a different way. It would take longer for him to catch on to things. I knew that we would get though this even if it didn't feel like it at the time. 

   He was diagnosed almost 6 years ago. This little boy has come so far. I never thought I would hear his voice, have him potty trained, hear him count. sing his ABCs. Never in a million years did I ever think I would hear " mommy I love you!" "Mommy are you sure!" Never thought we would get where we are today. We wouldn't be were we are today without those doctors, Therapist and teachers.Yes, we have had to fight and switch therapist to get ones that fit just right. Its been a long 6 years. My sweet son has taught be to be strong, to push forward when you dont think you can. Hes taught be patients and to take life one day at a time. Some days are better than others. There are days were its a struggle just to get from school to therapy back home. To go to the store or do family outings. 

     I get asked a lot if I could would I change him. The answer is simple, NO, I would NOT. he is who he is suppose to be. God doesn't make mistakes!! God gave this child to me to raise and to love. We were blessed with him. I dont know why he was placed in our care or why he has to go though life with being different. I know in my heart that once he gets older his going to have a harder time at school. Kids can be mean. We need to teach our children that its ok to be different. To teach our kids to love those that are different and not tease them. This is my life! It is my responsibility to confront it head on. To help not only Matthew but all my little ones through this life. 

     I dont ask for help. Daniel and I try to do it on our own. We have so very special people in our life that are there. We have a great support system.